Hey Jealousy

Why must you rear your ugly head my way? I guess it's human nature to crave to say, do, think, and experience things that others do, and that leads to feelings of loneliness and sadness when you know that you won't.

I'm slightly melancholy, I'm a little plugged up (plugged up like a pregnant woman's cervix is actually the analogy I used earlier with Thad) and work was kind of crap tonight. A long day, coupled with not feeling good, does not a happy duckling make.

One bright side is I've made a wonderful new friend. Her name is Suzanne, and I've never actually met her. I spoke with her over the phone the other night at work, and she ended up being a loooong conversation that led to an email address exchange. She is so kind, and I'm happy to have met her.

There is a supervisor position at work opening up, and I need to get my application in. I feel I have a good chance, but I think that Thad and I will need to have a sit down to figure out if we really want to continue to put the strain of a crap schedule on our relationship. In some ways the pay and the responsibility I'd have are sooooo appealing, but also kind of scary and intimidating as well.

Sometimes things happen when I doubt my abilities. Whether it's my abilities as a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, or an employee, I get that feeling where I wonder if anything I do will be enough. The rat race of life seems to carry me away and I can't remember the last time I did something purely because I desperately wanted to (aside from buying my Coach purse, of course). I do things because I need to, or I have to. When Lord, when, when's gonna be my time?!?!

Eh, just the ramblings of a slightly sad, overly neurotic sick person that just took some decongestant and is aching to feel the sweet release of snot in her ears and nose.

What would I do if I could just do anything I wanted? If I'm really honest would I spend a day doing all the things I know are bad for me but that I've been thinking about (despite how bad they are) since I stopped doing them? Would I read a book and eat sunflower seeds all day? Drink beer and smoke cigarettes? I guess in some ways I do what I really want because I do want to spend so much time with Elora, because she is so much fun to play around with. But perhaps it's the strain of working 9 straight days with no real breaks that is causing me to ponder the decisions I make, both for myself and for my family.

I also feel like I look like crap today, which doesn't help my mood. I have a couple neck zits that resemble a couple of Buicks that have parked on my face. But in light of how crap I feel I'm going to post a picture where I don't look like crap to improve my mood.



Haha, there you go. A slightly fuzzy picture of a girl with a large fatneck and a camera phone. Enjoy.