All About My Mom

My mom came and stayed a week with us while my daycare was closed for the Christmas holiday. She has done this the last couple years, and this year, as part of my way of telling her how thankful I am, I thought I'd write a little blog about her.  She reads my blog, she comments, so I know she'll probably be thaaaaa-rilled to be a topic of one!

My mom, who many of you know, is Darla.  I feel weird posting her last name, partially because she hyphenates it, and also she already has enough problems with buying things online herself and having her credit card information stolen that I'm not about to make it easier for someone to steal her identity.

Darla still lives in my hometown, out on a homestead with my dad (cantankerous old man that he is) and my little sister, Tona (cantankerous 11 year old that she is).  She also has a dog, Gizmo, whom she has found a little furry life partner in.  Gizmo and I don't really get along, but he's here staying for the week.  And he's still alive.  Nuff said.

Darla...  I can't even find a good starting point to begin to describe her.  So I will instead begin to explain all the ways I'm MOST like her.  That will illustrate what a fiery little dynamo she is.

- We're both short.  She's shorter.
- We're brunette.
- We love to laugh.
- We like to tell stories that make people laugh (Sidebar: I'm considering becoming stand-up comedienne.  More to come!)
- Some might call us "crazy".  I prefer the term "colorful".
- We both love my kids, but she gets to spoil them and I get to be the hard ass.  (Sidebar: I think I should also become a private detective, and get a reality show, and have my mom be on it so we could do good cop/bad cop interrogations and solve mysteries.  More to come!)

My mom is giving.  Almost to a fault, but I think that brings up a huge difference I find between my mother and I.  She is very giving, and I'm considerably less giving.  I give charitably on occasion, but Darla goes out and gets an entire family presents for Christmas.  She wrapped each and every one of the gifts, with a name tag and spent hours doing it, for people she hadn't met.  They were just a family that she knew that were in need.  She tries to make sure she's available to those that really need her.  She's a life-long friend, unless you do something like lie to her, but if you are good to her she'll be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on whenever you need one.

She's also currently going back to school full time to further her degree in nursing, and I thus far have not even called MSU to find out about seeing an advisor (or paying my 11 year old parking ticket).  She just completed a semester and will be carrying a full course load in January.  The last few years have been a little bit of a quagmire of medical crap and she hasn't always been feeling 100%, but 2011 really got a kick in the ass when she decided to make some big life changes, so far all for the better, and I couldn't be more thrilled to see my mom excited and determined to finish what she started.

Also, she cleaned my entire kitchen, you guys.  Top to bottom.  My kitchen hasn't looked like this since I moved in.  I didn't ask her to, it wasn't part of her staying here, but I feel like a thank you card will be in order for how much she (and Tona) did while they were here.  She tries to make my life easier, she encourages me to follow my dreams and she is a role model for me in a lot of ways, just as I hope to one day be a role model for the kind of person I want Elora to be.

To all my readers, please offer Darla a hearty thanks for being such a good mom to an ingrate like me.  Without her, there would be no "La Madre Loca".  She's the original, she's the best, and I love her very much.  Thanks for being amazing, Mom!  ILYBAM!

Toot Toot!

I completely spaced mentioning in my last blog, or on Facebook, that I was recently offered and accepted a position as an Eligibility Administrator with the company I work for.  This really isn't a "promotion" promotion, it involves taking on a lot more work and knowing I may have to put in a little more than the standard 40 hours a week (45 at the most).  But I'm really excited and looking forward to bringing my own special flare to the position.

I don't get to start the position immediately, but when my current department has hired some new peeps and trained them I'll get to start the new job.  I love what I do right now, and I will probably miss it more than I even realize when I move to the new department, but I think that I will rock the new gig.  Like a hurricane.  A hurricane of efficiency.



















































**Super special gem**
We were watching the new Conan the Barbarian with Elora this last weekend... and before I go on I realize how many levels that statement is wrong on.  But I repeatedly checked in on whether she was handling her shit when it came to watching the warrior do his warrior's work and she assured me that she "liked blood".  Well, as with most Conan movies there was a little bit of titties and then a little bit of "foot washing" if you get the euphemism, and Thad didn't cover her young eyes before she saw two sweaty bodies clinging to each other like life depended on it.  As her eyes were covered she giggled and said "They were crotch lovers".  CROTCH.  LOVERS.  So wrong on so many levels.  But also the most hilarious comic gold I've ever witnessed, and it was FREE IN MY LIVING ROOM.  I've wondered when the idea of two naked people wrestling would start to create questions.  Now I realize she already has the basic gist and no explanation is required.  Aren't you glad you scrolled down!?!

And I'm Spent

December 26th.  Boxing Day.  The final day off of my three day weekend.  Granted, next weekend is also a three day weekend so you won't hear me complaining.  But after the anticipation of Christmas and its subsequent passing it is kind of nice to see it on its way out the door.  I don't mind turning off the Christmas carols for about 10 months or so.

The kids managed to get a ton of toys from mommy, daddy, grandparents, and the big S.  Elora got a Leappad, which is pretty cool if you don't mind your kid staring at a screen for long hours at a time.  I don't.  I do it myself.  They might as well get used to it if they plan on working for their living.  Or if they plan to write a blog on their smartphone while their kids watch "The Coneheads" while curled up with their daddy.  Because that's how things get done, kids.  

Colter got a rocking horse that whinnies and shakes its tail, who goes by the name of Horse. He yells "YAH" very loudly and very repeatedly. This is in addition to the soft body, realistic T-Rex that he yells "RAWR" on a loud, repeated basis as well.   The kids spent the whole day with unbrushed teeth and had candy for breakfast, and I had several spicy red beers and tried (unsuccessfully) to watch the last Indiana Jones movie.  It was a pretty nice day.

Mommy and daddy managed to get a new 360 and Kinect with some of the gift money we got, and my mom got me silverware and new kitchen utensils that I both wanted/needed, and a pair of fuzzy Hello Kitty pants that make my mind melt with their softness.  Thad got a big fuzzy soft robe and some grill accessories. 

Christmas is always a little magical because I get to spend some time with my friend Jen, who you may recall from a little blog post I put up a few months ago after her last visit.  We had an effing amazing time out on Friday night.  Many beers were consumed (Hoegarden!  Cause we're hoes!) and a few songs were sung.  I really need to expand my karaoke repertoire on of these days, I do "Me and Bobby McGee" because I rock it, but I should start keeping a list of songs on my phone so I have a library of songs I would love to sing.  And I'm making it a personal quest to get out to Portland this year to visit her and go on a culinary journey of epic proportions. 

Coming up this weekend: a mulligan on my birthday movie night with Morgan.  "Young Adult" never came to Billings, so we have decided to go with "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and some Burger Dive.  And our New Years Eve will be spent at home, making Vietnamese food and have a few friends over.  I haven't looked forward to New Years Eve in a while, since the days before we had kids when we spent every year partying in a cabin in Red Lodge.  2012 is going to be awesome, I just feel it in my bones!

Celebrity Headlines

I am a daily reader of snarky gossip, specifically wwtdd and thesuperficial (I also occasionally reference dlisted when I am in need of a big flaming heap of ridiculousness like Prince Hot Ginge and Rojo Caliente).  I had clicked a link to read a little blurb about Jennifer Aniston (who I love loathe, and also pity) when I see that Demi Lovato has died her hair red.

I wondered what it would be like for every mundane detail of my life to be broadcast as it is for a celebrity (especially headlines that include BIG WORDS And smaller text that usually indicates something less shocking than the giant text)  so I decided to put them into a draft titled "Mary Rose's Celebrity Headlines", which I may or may not revert to a draft again later and add to (if I were a betting woman I would probably put my money on the "may not" in that statement).


Without further ado.....  
Mary Rose's  
LARGE CELEBRITY HEADLINES 2011
Where the glamorous meets the ridulousness, with a dash of sassy!

- MR GOES ON 

HAIR HYGIENE STRIKE!
"I will wash my hair when all other children can wash their hair" says working mother of 2 (Sources reveal she's just lazy).

-SECRET SHOCKING 

LIES MARY ROSE TELLS HER CHILDREN!
When will she tell them there really is no "secret camera to the North Pole" in the cookie jar?!?!

-SWAN FAMILY 
BARELY HANGING ON!
"The holidays usually requires a minimum of 2 thirty-packs, and Mary only bought one!", a source close to the family reveals.


That's all I have at the moment.  I could work for more, but then it wouldn't feel as organic as these headlines did.  Which is why I probably couldn't work for any newpaper in the world.

From boobs voyage

Since this might be my last post before Christmas (holy crap, it's Christmas already!) I am including a holiday-esque picture of the kids I took this morning. Elora makes a weird face instead of smiling, and Colter is just.... Colter. Man, I love these two. They pretty much rock my world on a daily basis.

What's on my mind right now?

- Breakfast for dinner.... French toast, breakfast links filled with Wisconsin cheese, maybe a little fruit (canned, but still fruit).

- 81 days until Chico Weekend 2012 with McWirth's.  March might be too long for my muscles to go without a soak in the restorative waters, so Elora might get a birthday trip there in January. I heart Olympia in a natural hot spring when it's snowing.  What can I say, I have discerning taste.

- Christmas shopping.  Have to figure out what to get my bro/sis in law (any suggestions Jamie?) and nieces and nephews.  I'm glad I took Friday off to finish up without kids around. 

- Christmas music has been my non-stop soundtrack for 2 weeks, including all weekend long.  I can't do anything but sing them, hum them, sing them some more.  In the car, at work, then in the car, then in every store I go into, and also at home.  I'm just going to let this holiday current drag me offshore like an undertow, further and further from the Mary Rose that finds all this holiday BS completely ridiculous.  And BTW, I just realized that after this weekend it IS Christmas.  I'm so glad this madness is almost over!

- Saturday = birthday date with my hetero lifemate, Mrs. McWirth.  "Young Adult", then tapas at Walker's.  I've been craving their steamed clams in a delicious broth of .... deliciousness.  And a loaf of crusty bread for dipping.  And calamari.  Plus, Charlize Theron looks awesome as a mean girl, so I must admit I'm happy we picked the perfect weekend to watch a movie I'm actually looking forward to with genuine anticipation.

- I hate how news stories like this make me feel about the country I live in (we're kind of a bunch of assholes, is what how I'm interpreting this).  THE EXTREME RIGHT WING HAS AN AGENDA TOO, PEOPLE, IT'S CALLED DUMBING DOWN AMERICA.  If we're dumber they can control us.  I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

- Colter says "help me" a lot.  He just did it, as a matter of fact.  He also kisses me, then wipes his mouth and says "ew".  I did this once to him because his kiss covered my mouth with snot one day, and now he won't let me forget it.

- Elora is almost 5.  Did you hear that?  That's the sound of the wind being knocked from my lungs.  She's tall enough to wash her hands nearly completely unaided at the kitchen sink.  She doesn't quite reach the handle for the faucet, but STILL.  She loves to have her back tickled for an a length of time that I would say borders on extreme, but I do it anyways. 

- Work is.... sigh.  Tis the season to be pretty much up to our eyeballs anyways, and add to it that we're running a little understaffed and that makes for a very busy day.  But I'm excited for some upcoming projects I've been asked to work on.  I loooooove when I get handpicked for a project, my little brown nose practically glows with delight!!

- We're set for a weekend of houseguests (In-laws, holla!) and I am trying to think of a real "wow" something to make.  Thad pulled up a recipe for Horseradish Crusted Steak Roulade, which seems a little optimistic, but also quite delicious.

- Thad and I are considering a tropical vacation, mommy and daddy only, in late 2012, early 2013.  We've almost been married for 10 years, and neither of us has ever needed a passport.  Now, to figure out where to go!

- Love my hair.  Love it curly.  Love it straight.  Love the length, the style, I can't believe I fought this look for so long.  Never fighting again.

Alright, time to start beating my children into submission (i.e. making them brush their teeth before bed).  Thanks to everyone for making my last post with pictures of my boobs the most successful blog post I've ever had.  I'm glad I have such a large group of internet creepers that wanted to see how my boobs look.  You all make me so proud.

Internet, say hello to....

My little friends. 

Elora took this snap today when I asked her to take a picture of my bed head.  I think that it captures the childlike wonder of the new breasts,  the promise of possibilities and the return of my ability to believe. I'm simply overflowing with Blarney today.  I have to say that I am having a great morning with my children and Elora is going to be a very smart kindergartener.  Maybe the smartest ever.

I added a picture of my favourite blouse (I love the word blouse).  This was super cheap at Ross and I love it.  Too bad the day I wore it to work I had chills and body aches and had to wear a sweater over it.

The fine line between "Thrifty" and "Cheap"

This weekend I went shopping for new clothes with a dear friend of mine, Angie of recent "Malarial Outbreak 2011" fame.  Angie has known me a long time, and in the course of our friendship I have asked her on several occasions to shop with me when I need new clothes.  Because I am frightfully cheap and sometimes need someone to talk me IN to purchasing things.  Ludicrous, I know.

She ended up helping me wrangle a healthy chunk of change into submission on a shitload of awesomeness.  I've spent all week wearing the work-appropriate garb that we picked up, and I have loved all of it.  I have one blouse/slacks combo that hasn't been worn yet, just waiting to my pants to be hemmed, but she got me some really excellent stuff.

If I were a better photographer, or someone who wasn't complete lazy when it comes to taking pictures, I would have pictures of all these fabulous outfits.  But I'm not neither of those things, so you are left with the following verbal description of our plunder: 1 fitted short jacket, 1 pair black pants, 2 pairs grey pants, 2 pairs khakis, 4 blouses, 2 sweater, 1 sweater dress, 1 pair of suede flat knee-high boots (kids size 4, holla for having doll-size feet!), and some hosiery. 

My favorite parts about shopping with Angie are as follows:

- She's a great person to spend an afternoon with, and a glass of wine/beer.
- She has a great eye, and a great sense of style.  She's putting this sweater together with that belt, and calculating how many layering tanks you'll need to make this sweater work.  She can also talk me into tailoring, which is kind of a feat in itself.
- She's incredibly frugal, which is the only reason why I trust her to really encourage purchases she knows that I might balk at price-wise but will appreciate in the long run.  She dresses like an East Coast woman on a trailer park woman's budget!

I hope that somehow she gets to make this gift she has into something she could do for a living.  If any woman could acquire a small nest of egg of clothes buying money (and really, it doesn't take a fortune when you know where to look) Angie could help you spend it and walk away with no buyers remorse.

Hit me up if you're interested in seeing what Miss Angie can do for you, and be prepared to try on lots of clothes.  She doesn't put up with anyone saying their tired while trying on their 3rd top.  Trust me, I know.

The eve of 31

Well, in about 15 minutes (don't check the timestamp, as it will be incorrect) I turn 31.  Here are a few thoughts on this being the Friday night before my birthday:

I don't miss going to bars to celebrate events.  I know that sounds ridiculous after the whole Boobs Voyage thing, but that event was the "event".  Sometimes you just really want a reason to get your friends together in one place and have something to celebrate.  Tonight I'm not feeling "it".  I haven't really felt "it" since my surgery, and I can't say I miss "it".

I'm staring to feel a tickle in my nose, accompanied with stuffy runniness.  Excellent.  NOT.

Tonight was the company Christmas party for my work, and I did get to wear my flapper dress one more time this year, which was the whole reason I paid the exorbitant sum that I did to buy it before Halloween.  There was a hypnotist, and I volunteered to be hypnotized.  I guess I'm more susceptible to hypnotism than I thought, because while I do recall bits and pieces of what I did, I also had a huge amount of focused blank spot induced by yoga breathing and I was the most relaxed I've ever been afterwards.

Well, by the time I got this much typed my words are nearly being written with my eyes clothes, I'm that exhausted.  And it's 12:03 on 12:03!  Bedtime for me so I can get up for my bountiful basket at 7 am and going shopping for new clothes!  What an awesome way to spend your birthday.  I might even splurge on a dinner of splendiferous Indian food, you just never know!  I love birthdays for the excuse to do whatever you want (although my dreams rarely become reality).  Take care this 12/3!

Post-Thanksgiving Giving of Thanks

So last week I didn't even wind up getting drunk and still didn't manage to get a Thanksgiving blog in, so I'm remedying the situation a week by sharing some gratitude in written form.

First, I need to thank my mothers.  Both my own mother and my mother-in-law are the best grandmothers my kids could ask for.  My mother has taken care of me through a lot of serious medical issues, so I was grateful to have her there for something that was actually going to be a positive for my health.  My mother-in-law is amazing, she's truly the best "other mother" I could ask for.  She loves me like her own and I'm blessed to have her in my life (you too, Papa Bryan).

Thad, you are my rock, even when you are not always terribly nice to me.  You put up with some of my more amazing shenanigans and still manage to love me unconditionally, even when you don't seem to like me (it's true, we're like cats and dogs sometimes).  You stuck with me during really crappy stuff, you've been there when our children came into the world and you've been an amazing father and husband.  You're my viking, and I love you so big it surprises me sometimes.

Elora and Colter, thank you for being so good for your grandparents when you spent time with them in Colstrip.  You got spoiled rotten, which is the best part of staying with grandparents, and I am so happy you're home, you're healthy (at the moment) and you're mine.

MORGAN- you're the yin to my yang.  I love that you live life like you're rolling nothing but Yahtzee's, and I so appreciate your coming and spending the day with me after surgery.  I'm looking forward to our bestie vacation in February (Chico!), and I fully expect my own pan of homemade Snickers this year!  Love you, bunny!

I have a lot of other folks that wished me luck and checked on my progress after surgery, so thank you all for your kind wishes and your prayers.  I'm attending my company Christmas Party tomorrow night and I hope to get a nice picture so I can post some pictures of my "after".

Only 24 more shopping days until Christms!  Yikes, I better get on it!