I joke about being the most ungrateful cancer survivor out there. I say I joke, but I think I totally hold that title. I don't participate in cancer fundraisers. I don't know why, beyond laziness and procrastination. I feel like I was so young when I had it that I don't "connect" with other survivors like people that had it during shared periods with their peers. I was the only person my age undergoing chemo when I did. It was really difficult, not having anyone that was having the same feelings of anger that I was because adults had less anger and more resignation towards their own disease. They fought for their kids and their spouses, and I didn't. I had an amazing boyfriend and wonderful parents, and they were all wonderful while I duked it with a nuclear tumor in my chest. I honestly didn't think I would have kids (surprise!). The fact that chemo erases most of the memories from that time frame makes it almost like a surreal dream, the remembering a tv show that you watched years ago.
My friend Misty wrote me a message at work today. Misty does participate in cancer fundraisers, and I'm happy to know that I have friends that support finding a cure. She said the following:
"I walk tonight for my friend Mary. She is an ingrate of a
survivor, thumbing her nose at the disease and the ridiculous hoopla involved
in being a victim and allowing your life to be defined by it."
I read this and my eyes welled with tears. I have never been prouder to be an ingrate. Thanks Misty!
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