Aloneness

This morning, it is completely quiet except the sound of my typing and the Xbox humming in the background.  Thad has dressed warmly and packed his hunting equipment to set out into the wilderness.  He's been trying to get an elk for the last 5 years, and I'm hopeful that he will go to some random location and find the elk of his dreams waiting for him. 

The kids are at grammy's, and when I remember this fact it gives me a dual feeling of excitement and homesickness.  I miss their little faces, and their little feet, and although I am completely fine with missing the diaper changes I would happily change a big, stinky one right this minute to get a kiss and a hug from both my kids this morning. 

But in the spirit of honesty, I'm also RELISHING this time.  Savoring it like a fine wine.  (Sidebar: Thad bottled his wine last night, more later)  This silence, the fact that Thad is also gone, is a deep silence.  I might turn my phone to silent just to keep with the theme.  There are no thumps and no sneezes and no deep, sweet breathing of sleeping babes in harmony with the sound of steam from their humidifier.  Can you both long for something but also appreciate its absence while it's away?  God, could I be more profound this morning!?

Later today I plan to devote a large chunk of time to sitting down with my laptop and figuring out a Christmas List and start planning that shit out.  We have a few things picked out for the kids, but I haven't really looked around the sneak previews of the Black Friday ads to see what's going to be out there.  I love that there is underground Black Friday stuff, like it's its own bizarre Fight Club to know what will be on sale on the most miserable shopping day of the year.