BOOBS!

Holy buckets, 2011 is already starting out to be a pretty great year. I have already discussed when I can get a breast reduction with my employer, and I'm going to start the process and hopefully get scheduled for my consultation with the plastic surgeon soon. My hope is to get the surgery done in April, and then hopefully by this summer I'll be pretty much healed and recovered.

The joy... the ELATION... I feel is tantamount to finding out I'm going to win the lottery. The short list of things that make this amazing would be:

1. No more BACK PAIN. My back hurts when I sit, when I stand, when I lay down, no matter what I'm doing my back hurts. When I actively improve my posture it doesn't make an iota of difference. Stretching my neck and shoulders is like trying to chisel concrete. The massage therapist I saw in December said she could devote two hours to my back and that would barely crack the surface of what is going on back there.
2. Buying bras OFF THE RACK. Do you think the average woman has to spend at least 40 dollars on a bra? No, she can go to Walmart, Target, Ross, really anywhere with a bra rack and get a bra in any color shape and (normal) size. I have to go to a special store to get fitted with bras because my boobs are a..... wait for it...... G cup. The 2 bras in my actual size that I wear regularly are still nursing bras from when I had Colter. Let's just say my other bra isn't my size, but it keeps my boobies up by my shoulders where I want them.
3. Wearing tops with DESIGNATED BOOBIE AREAS. Summer time is the worst time for big boobs. In addition to the boob sweat (dear lord, the boob sweat is horrible in and of itself, but I didn't want boob sweat to be on my list of reasons that I'm excited) you are also cursed with the inability to buy most normal tops at the above mentioned stores that are designed for smaller busts. Most tank tops have a little area the boobs are supposed to stay within. Mine always stray.
4. Exercising won't be a session of TRYING TO AVOID A BLACK EYE. I love Zumba, LOVE IT, but I find myself watching my reflection and seeing these two giant fun bags competing with my sweet dance moves for attention. I have to wear a sports bra with about 30 clasps going up the front that pushes my boobs against forming a layer of body armor. Forget regular sports bras, those would be like trying to use a bungee cord to tow a car.

I didn't make any real "resolutions" for this year. After making it out alive last year, and finding myself in a better career fit than I thought I would get, I was just looking forward to 2011 being the year I finally got this boob situation handled. But I have decided to make one small resolution this year, so here goes.

I haven't had more than one actual party at my house since we moved in over a year ago. I've been pondering why I'm so reticent on entertaining here, and some of it boils down to kids. My kids are like spider monkeys around strangers and crowds, and introducing strangers and a crowd into my house is about as appealing as having pongee sticks inserted under my finger nails one by one. They will cling and whine and neither of those things is very appealing. I've also been realizing that I am a fickle mistress when it comes to decision making. I make decisions on my own every day, but the only ones I don't have a problem with are the ones that I know I won't get told that I made the WRONG decision on.

So my goals for 2011 are going to be to have a bon voyage party for my boobs. I'm going to work with my friend Morgan on acquiring some better hostess/party planning skills and I'm going to plan to get my kids out of the house and try to have some fun. Of course I'm not referring to a party like in the days of old-Mary, god willing I don't puke up strawberry shortcake into my sink during any of my parties in 2011, but I sure as hell plan to give Goopy Paltrow a run for her money in the DO department.

So here is to 2011, smaller boobs, maybe some parties, and some alone time for the parents in my little household. Thad turns the big 3-0 next month with another friend of ours, and we've got a little getaway plan in the works. Bring on spring, bring on the summer and camping and friends and fun. I am so excited I could just spit!