Mid-November update

We are less than 48 hours away from Thanksgiving, and that means turkey. Not just any turkey, but Thad's First Ever Smoked Turkey. I'm not making much this year to contribute to our feast, but I figure with less to be responsible for there will be less of a chance that I'll end up doing what I did last year..... getting a little tipsy because of an unforeseen delay in our cooking timeline that resulted in the turkey not being ready when everyone and everything else was ready. John (my younger brother) tried to convince me today that we didn't eat until almost 9:00PM that night. I don't believe him, but I also have no alternate theory as to when we actually ate. I hate that he's correct by proxy.

I'm doing a relish tray/veggie tray thing, with the perfunctory ranch dip, and green bean casserole. Every time I type that I either want to type "green been" or "grean bean".

My folks are coming to Thad's folks' place for dinner. My brother and sister in law will be there as well, along with John (my younger brother). I got myself a new sweater and Elora and Colter each a cute little soft shirt/pants set. I plan to even straighten my hair for the event. Ooooh, fancy!

Gift shopping has been a fiasco, mostly because I loathe shopping. It just seems to reinforce this inadequacy complex that I seem to keep harboring about my gift giving skills. I have gifter's remorse after nearly every gift, like "WHY DIDN'T I TRY HARDER". I realize that it's the thought that counts, but I'm always wondering if I'm overthinking it, which therefore cancels out the thought that counts. Anyways, that's a ramble but I think it's good and I'm keeping it.

Elora hasn't been sleeping in her own bed. It's been a weird and recent development. She has finally been relegated to the floor whenever she comes in (what can I say, I let her come in the first few times because I love to snuggle her, but she's a BEDHOG), and she pitifully sleeps with her head on this huge oversize pillow. I've asked several times and I keep getting the answer that her brother snores and pulls her hair and that's why she can't sleep in there. I would call bulls$%& but she is only almost 4 and doesn't understand when shenanigans are being called on her.

I've hereby dubbed my son M&M, because he is a little miniature embodiment of Matthew McConaughey. I don't know if I spelled that right, but whatevs. Colter has come to be one of the coolest kids I know. He flirts, laughs, and smiles like a Matthew McConaughey, and he loves to go shirtless and drum his hands on things. I caught him going down the stairs when he was at the BOTTOM of the stairs when I went looking for him, so he's managed it down the stairs at least once without me knowing it and managed just fine. Pretty soon I'll be asking him to start the car and pour mommy the perfect Bloody Mary, he's that capable.

Thad is going out hunting Friday, hopefully to get the elk that we've been hoping for. I'm planning on staying in Colstrip until Saturday. I have no shopping that requires me to be here and up at the ass crack of dawn to get a deal. I bet all my shopping worries would be over if I'd just actually SHOP instead of browsing online. C'est la vie. I don't know if that reference had any bearing on what I just said, but when in Rome. I amuse myself.

Having a blog no one really reads or comments on is like sending a message in a bottle out to the internet.

Well, I think that my child has fallen to sleep in her own bed now that I've whittled down here willpower by logic and sheer bribery. I'm headed off to my own bed. Good night, internet, and have a blessed Thanksgiving holiday. Tell your family you love them, and punch your brother in the kidney for forgetting your birthday for another year.

Shenanigans were called

I did. I called shenanigans and for the first time since David kicked Goliath's ass with a little rock and a slingshot the little guy WON!

Several months ago I wrote about the loss of my job, and how horrible it was, and how financially distraught we had become, but I can happily say that while I am in no way "rich", but I'm no longer closing old savings accounts that hold a retainer balance just so I have dinner money at the fair. Yes, that is what I did this August. I closed an old savings account at a credit union to use the extra $25 bucks they use to keep the account open to buy vikings and fried cheese curd.

So when I got fired I filed for unemployment. At the time I didn't really know what would become of it, but I did it, and began my job search. Job Search 2010. It lasted 9 weeks, technically, because when I got hired for my new job I technically was still out of work for 2 weeks before I started. So I kept filing. And filing. And filing. And at that point I was waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And I thought that I was giving the process a lot of patience and consideration. When I wrote UI (unemployment, for short) asking for an update it sparked them to finally take a look at the claim, and DENY IT.

So fast forward through the first appeal, because the first appeal is apparently just a test of one's patience and discipline, because it's bullshit. BULL. SHIT. They don't even read what you write down in your appeal. So I sent that appeal, and got another letter, stating that after they looked at all the facts without reading any of my 6 pages of appeal information they didn't see any reason to change their minds.

So fast forward AGAIN to 10/1/10. I was in a car, with my fabulous in-laws, headed to Denver to see MUSE and this happened to be the date scheduled for my hearing. So I did the hearing by phone, while we stopped in the parking lot of the Casper Burger King and I cried on the phone to the nice woman at the unemployment hearing office. I guess it was good I wrote that bullshit since I had all my notes/dates/times already compiled and ready to go. We finished the hearing, and went along on our merry way to Denver for an AMAZING concert.

Well, I got my letter the next week. I WON. THAT'S RIGHT. WON. Me, the little guy, beat the big old bad corporation. And that not only boosted my deflated self esteem, but it's got me looking forward to trying to work myself into a different role at my current job. I am not as valuable as my last job made me feel when they fired me. I no longer have to base my worth on what they think.

And not only that, but I love the fact that now I can look back at that job and really see how shitty it was. Yes, money can make up for a lot of bullshit at any job, but at the end of the day I don't just live for my job. I live for my family, and that is what defines me now. Plus, I don't work for a corporation that REWARDS LAZINESS and ENCOURAGES MEDIOCRITY. I'll be honest, with the exception of a few people that shall remain nameless because they know that they aren't the crappy people to which I refer, the management team at my last job sucked. More than one person can't be bothered to do their job, and that is only further compounded by a manager that doesn't know how to manage and a director who loves to hear the sound of their own voice. But now I never have to listen to one single person bitch about American Idol not being on or the "On the 8s" on The Weather Channel not working. EVER AGAIN. You can generate a lot more empathy for people calling crying because of medical bills compared to the Buffalo Bills. Because they suck.

My kids are great. We just spent the last weekend baking, watching movies, and waiting for daddy to come home from hunting. Colter likes to spin in circles, either on his feet or on his butt, and Elora might be getting some ballet gear for Christmas.

We'll be spending Thanksgiving in Colstrip, in Thad's parents new kitchen/living/dining area. Love it, it's gorgeous, and I can't wait to cook there this year. My plan is to stay in town for a couple days and hang out with friends, get a little holiday baking done, and come home refreshed. Then, birthday weekend will be spent recovering from the holiday Christmas party for work, then a couple weeks of work before Christmas, and after Christmas we'll have my mom here with kiddos during my day care provider's Christmas break.

The last few weeks have been ups and downs, and I am happy to report they were mostly ups. I'm cruising full speed ahead towards the big 3-0, and I can't wait to make it to 31 with my amazing family, and the people that I am now choosing to keep in my life. Is it too early to say that I can't wait for 2011?!

WALKING!!

Before I forget, just wanted to mention that last week, on 10/8/10, my baby officially started moving around the world on his little two legs. He loves walking, probably because we cheer him on whenever he's doing so. I have no video to post, but it's awesome.

Quote from my 3 year old

Tomatoes don't have eyes. Or arms, or legs. And they're stupid, because they can't talk.

Just an old fashioned Twisted Sister song

You know the one I mean. The one about not taking it anymore. Well, I finally got to lay out the whole lame situation with losing my job. This was the appeal I needed to write to cathartically release any of the anger and frustration I've felt for the last several months.

I had to request a redetermination on my unemployment claim. Long story short, they looked at the paperwork that my previous employer had submitted and it was cut and dry, easily disqualified. So I got to write a 6 page letter that put all of the background facts that wouldn't fit into the text boxes of my original claim. We got that sucker faxed in yesterday (I love you Thad, thanks for doing that for me) and now we wait. It took forever just to find out about the original claim. But now I've got the name and number of someone that I can call if I have any more run around. Because I got run around on Friday by an unemployment agent, and it wasn't cool. I don't normally get shitty with customer service, but this girl was trying to get me to make an appointment for a call back this week just to TELL SOMEONE I was requesting a redetermination. I was like, this is a ridiculous hoop to make someone that works jump through. And it was, a hoop that is, because I called the lady my mother in law suggested I call and she told me just to fax it over. So take that, brand new customer service rep for unemployment.

In other news, we're broke AGAIN. Every time I think that we'll be able to crawl on top of some bills and wrap our hands around their soul-sucking throats paychecks don't pan out and we're left with enough grocery money and gas money to get to work and eat all week, but little to nothing else. With the fair this week, and Colter's birthday this weekend, we'll have to be really careful, but by next payday things should finally be turning around. The winds of change are here.

Oh, and did you happen to notice that Colter is having a birthday from my last paragraph?! That's right, my little man is turning A YEAR OLD! No plans for a formal party, I'm just going to supply a cake and some ice cream and maybe some supplies for kebobs and see what happens. My poor baby needs car seats for his birthday, so that will be mom and dad's boring gift and the grandparents will need to buy him something fun.

Last night I made colcannon and it was really good. We had it with a smoked chicken, and both will make a fabulous lunch for me today. Here is a picture of all our culinary glory last night.


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Alright, it's time for a shower and getting ready for another Monday at work. Have a fab work week, everyone!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

At work last week I took a little class offered through the on-site "university". I'm going to take a minute and say that it is wonderful to work for a company that focuses as much time and energy into educational outreach as this employer does. They have a full training schedule, and employees are required to earn x amount of credits every quarter. They also have a leadership training program for those employees that get promoted from within and maybe haven't had any management experience. Or even if they have some management experience, they still give you leadership training. At my last job it was like getting the promotion was a vote of confidence that you could do the work necessary, so obviously training isn't necessary. HAVE AT IT, AND GOOD LUCK. Sink or swim, and if you sink it's no one's fault but your own.

So, getting back to my story, the class I went to was "Finding the UP in Upheaval". A lot of these trainings have a video, but so far none of the videos have made me want to just lay my head down and sleep. That may partially be because the trainer brings COLORING PAGES AND COLORING PENCILS for everyone. She encourages anyone that feels comfortable coloring to do so, and anyone who isn't comfortable to not feel like they have to. I'm totally one of the people that likes to color, mostly because I find it difficult to focus on a video or a group discussion sometimes when I'm giving it my full attention. I am really one of those people that learns more when I'm listening while doing something else.

We did a little exercise before the video to rate how comfortable we are with change. And while I'm looking at these questions I am thinking back to the end of March and pondering how I could have embraced that change more or better.

I didn't do anything when I lost my job that I wasn't proud of, even writing a blog on here about a former coworker didn't make me stop and say "does this feel wrong? should I be doing this?". I think the part I regret the most is trying to play nice and not bring up all the crap leading up to this and not paint my boss to be the coworker's best friend. Because that's what was going on, in all reality, but it felt like mud slinging to say that someone else got away with more, or get LESS of a slap on the wrist than I did for blatantly not doing their job, when I had been doing the work for mine but not with the attitude one would expect.

This morning I'm feeling the least amount of bitterness towards that boss than I have in a long time. I've thought terrible things about her, hoped that something really professionally devastating would happen to her, and now it's finally, FINALLY starting to dissipate. I'm truly starting to see the UP in that upheaval. It really sunk in last night while I was puffing away on the elliptical with my former-coworker/work out buddy. We were talking about that old job, and I told her I did the math finally that day on how much my income is now compared to when I worked there. Then I also mentioned that there is a direct correlation between your income and the amount of bullshit, pure unadultered bullshit, that you are expected to put up with. Not just your work, but all your employees drama and personal problems, and crap calls, and taking work home, and when you are around a group of employees just bitching and complaining about all the people that you can't stand.

For now, at this new job, I don't have any of that. It may come with time, but I'm not there to make friends. I'm there to kick some ass, set an example to my coworkers, and hopefully work my way up that ladder there too. The boss there has earned buckets of my respect for being on top of things, communicating things clearly, and setting expectations for me that I know are attainable. I feel like she has faith in my abilities, and she wants to see me succeed.

This weekend we spent the weekend relaxing at home, broke but happy. We did family pictures, went to Lake Elmo and went swimming, and watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure. The next couple weekends will be spent camping, maybe a trip to Colstrip for Thad and the kids so I can just have a weekend all to myself, spend it reading books and doing stuff I want to do. That sounds just heavenly.

Thanks for stopping by!

Off the wagon 2.0

"Reposted so that this fabulous picture can be at the top of the page"



Right before I got fired I was seeing a trainer at Oz Fitness. I had paid up front for sessions when I got fired so I continued on with it because I'd bought them in the hope of "creating a good habit". And I did create the good habit, it just became more and more difficult to justify that habit when no income + cost of gas = taking kids for walks to the park to do the economical thing.

So the habit I'd established got put to the wayside. Starting the new job, working 8-5 for 5 weeks, and just trying to mentally psych myself up to go to the gym again have led me to running. Running is my precursor to going back to the gym. Going for a run is helping me re-establish my cardio endurance so I don't pant like a dog in summertime on the treadmill or elliptical when I make it back.

Speaking of the new job, I'm LOVING it. I already feel like there is so much more this company is willing to do to create successful employees than my previous employer ever did. And I'm feeling like I'm "getting" it. I'm learning a little bit about health care reform because my company will definitely be affected by all the upcoming changes. I'm also really interested in learning more about the other departments, and continuing to increase my medical knowledge. When you work in the medical industry, no matter how indirectly, you can't float around on an "ignorance is bliss" cloud and get away with it.

We've spent the summer traveling to Colstrip a couple weekends, and then just vegging out and doing house stuff/yard stuff when we aren't going someplace. We've managed to take the kids camping in the pop up camper we got last year for Memorial Day weekend, and I think we'll try for at least one more trip before summer's end.

Colter is going to be a YEAR OLD in a month and 3 days. I just can't believe it. He's such a little treasure to all of us, his big sister included. She opens her eyes and if she seems him first thing she grins and says, "What are you doing, little man", even if he's just looking at her with the same big grin on his face. They are great together, there really hasn't been fighting yet between them. She does things experimentally, like burping him really hard until he starts crying, and I think she's just curious what he is going to do and doesn't realize the crying is because she is hitting him. I know the day will come that I'll have to force them to *hold each other nicely'* when they've been excessively brutal to one another, but until then she has to apologize when she does something not nice.

Yesterday Elora and I went on a date to the Farmer's Market. Just us two, and it was so nice. We picked up some fresh herbs, and walked around. She didn't like the walking around part at all, didn't seem to enjoy the crowds, but I saw old friend after old friend and ended up just taking up residence under the Skypoint and visiting. I saw my old boss from Hastings, whom I hadn't seen in 7 years, and a friend from high school who I had also not seen in about 7 years. I saw my sister in law with my niece, and that's when Elora started having a good time. Elora LOVES her cousins. She has 4 of them, and she loves them all, but her bestest friend in the entire world is also her cousin, Sophia. Sophia is 6 and they look like they could be sisters.

Elora and Sophia will spend the whole day playing, usually any play that involves Sophia considering herself Tinkerbell and Elora coplaying along with the same premise. They are much less pouty about sharing when it's just me watching them, but Thad's parents were down this weekend and when Gammy and Poppa are here they are SOOOO whiny. It's ridiculous. "She won't share the wings", "She took the bear from me", crying when one steps on the others toe. Yesterday I managed to take both girls to the water park by Sophia's school, and that's when it dawned on me that I might be dubbed "unsympathetic" or "mean" because I tell them both to knock it off and quit whining or tattling whenever they do it when it's just me with them. But I will take that in exchange for reading undisturbed on the grass in the sun for an hour.

Today we're smoking a brisket to take to a friend's house, and doing some laundry, maybe a quick run to the store. I hate going to the store on the weekends, it feels like I'm doing weekday work on my day off. But sometimes you just have to.

But first, a run after I finish my coffee, some breakfast, and finishing Housesitter on my DVR. I love Goldie Hawn in that movie. Maybe I'll sip my last mini bottle of champagne while I fold laundry and watch my movie. I'd consider that my new trifecta.

*The holding each other thing is a reference to my mother forcing my sister and I to hold each other when we'd been excessively brutal to one another. We were also punished at times with standing in the corner with our arms above our head. Not for hours like torture, mind you, but it made standing in the corner that much shittier to have to do it with your arms above your head. Soooooo much shittier. Try it. Let me know what you think.