At work last week I took a little class offered through the on-site "university". I'm going to take a minute and say that it is wonderful to work for a company that focuses as much time and energy into educational outreach as this employer does. They have a full training schedule, and employees are required to earn x amount of credits every quarter. They also have a leadership training program for those employees that get promoted from within and maybe haven't had any management experience. Or even if they have some management experience, they still give you leadership training. At my last job it was like getting the promotion was a vote of confidence that you could do the work necessary, so obviously training isn't necessary. HAVE AT IT, AND GOOD LUCK. Sink or swim, and if you sink it's no one's fault but your own.
So, getting back to my story, the class I went to was "Finding the UP in Upheaval". A lot of these trainings have a video, but so far none of the videos have made me want to just lay my head down and sleep. That may partially be because the trainer brings COLORING PAGES AND COLORING PENCILS for everyone. She encourages anyone that feels comfortable coloring to do so, and anyone who isn't comfortable to not feel like they have to. I'm totally one of the people that likes to color, mostly because I find it difficult to focus on a video or a group discussion sometimes when I'm giving it my full attention. I am really one of those people that learns more when I'm listening while doing something else.
We did a little exercise before the video to rate how comfortable we are with change. And while I'm looking at these questions I am thinking back to the end of March and pondering how I could have embraced that change more or better.
I didn't do anything when I lost my job that I wasn't proud of, even writing a blog on here about a former coworker didn't make me stop and say "does this feel wrong? should I be doing this?". I think the part I regret the most is trying to play nice and not bring up all the crap leading up to this and not paint my boss to be the coworker's best friend. Because that's what was going on, in all reality, but it felt like mud slinging to say that someone else got away with more, or get LESS of a slap on the wrist than I did for blatantly not doing their job, when I had been doing the work for mine but not with the attitude one would expect.
This morning I'm feeling the least amount of bitterness towards that boss than I have in a long time. I've thought terrible things about her, hoped that something really professionally devastating would happen to her, and now it's finally, FINALLY starting to dissipate. I'm truly starting to see the UP in that upheaval. It really sunk in last night while I was puffing away on the elliptical with my former-coworker/work out buddy. We were talking about that old job, and I told her I did the math finally that day on how much my income is now compared to when I worked there. Then I also mentioned that there is a direct correlation between your income and the amount of bullshit, pure unadultered bullshit, that you are expected to put up with. Not just your work, but all your employees drama and personal problems, and crap calls, and taking work home, and when you are around a group of employees just bitching and complaining about all the people that you can't stand.
For now, at this new job, I don't have any of that. It may come with time, but I'm not there to make friends. I'm there to kick some ass, set an example to my coworkers, and hopefully work my way up that ladder there too. The boss there has earned buckets of my respect for being on top of things, communicating things clearly, and setting expectations for me that I know are attainable. I feel like she has faith in my abilities, and she wants to see me succeed.
This weekend we spent the weekend relaxing at home, broke but happy. We did family pictures, went to Lake Elmo and went swimming, and watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure. The next couple weekends will be spent camping, maybe a trip to Colstrip for Thad and the kids so I can just have a weekend all to myself, spend it reading books and doing stuff I want to do. That sounds just heavenly.
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