Entering unknown territory

This week marks the end of my twenties. I haven't spent a lot of time pondering what I hope to accomplish in my thirties, or what behaviors I need to include or exclude in the coming decade, but here are a few things I'm proud of (and not so proud of) that make the last decade a defining period for me.

- I finished cancer treatment in my 20s. I was 19 when I started chemo and 20 when I finished radiation. Mark that one down for pride.

- On the shame side let's put down all the times I got so drunk I puked. I'm hoping that this pastime is one that I leave in the history books. Or at least only do it once a year.

- I lost a few people I care for in my 20s, either by death or distance. A lot of love is in my heart for those that I haven't regained yet, but I will dedicate my thirties to maintaining friendships that are worth my time and not losing time on those that aren't.

- I gained a whole family when I married the love of my life in my twenties. Our relationship has been constant through the last decade, and I couldn't have asked for a better friend, lover, fixer, cook, baker, bbq-er, and father than what I have in Thad. He's my best friend, and I look forward to the coming adventures we face.

- I've gained and lost some pounds over the last decade, but I'll say that in the last year I've tried to lose some of the weight that wasn't with me 10 years ago. I have a great, understanding workout buddy and we look forward to continuing to challenge each other to keep dropping those pounds. Zumba has been an awesome addition to my work out routine, and I plan to keep dancing as long as I can.

- I've lost a little sanity over health issues in this decade as well. But in facing these issues I've come to realize that I can't change who I am. And I don't want to. There are aspects of my life that are both good and bad, and whether I live to be 90 years old or live to be 55, I will not worry about how long I'm going to live and worry about how I'm living right now. Worry is a killer in itself, and I don't want to devote more time to worrying than I do to actually just living.

- Two marks in my plus column for my twenties were the two best things to happen to me. Elora and Colter. I didn't think I would have kids. After cancer and chemo, I was betting on being barren and I'm glad I didn't put all my money on that horse. I went through two great pregnancies (one pregnancy was a little angrier than the other, I will admit) and came out with two of the most beautiful, funny, sweet, smart little cookies in the world. My children challenge me to be a better person every day, whether it's just teaching me to be patient or allowing me to try to teach them things like kindness, manners, and knock knock jokes. I can't imagine my life without these two little ones, and I can say honestly that they probably saved my life. I hope one day, if the internet exists in the future, that they may find their mom's old blog, and that amongst the humorous anecdotes that they see a mother that loved them more than anything. Thank you, my babies.

- I start my thirties non-dependent on nicotine. January will mark 2 years that I've been tobacco free, and I'm relieved and thankful that I had the opportunity and desire to quit and quit for good when I got pregnant with Colter. It's taken a while to learn how to enjoy drinking without it's accompanying bad habit, and I used to think that former smokers were crazy when they said that they could actually go out and still have a great time without smoking. The bars in Montana went smoke free last year, so that has also diminished any real temptation for me to start up again. I feel better, I smell better, and I'm proud that my kids won't be more likely to start smoking as a result of seeing their mom or dad do it. My parents smoked, and I have no idea what possessed me to start (peer pressure) but hopefully that cycle has been broken.

I plan to keep learning, and hopefully in the next few years I'll decide what I want to be when I grow up and start working towards that goal. I've seriously been considering opening some type of small business specializing in food, but I want to make that leap when I've got a little capital and some business skills in my pocket.

Thank you all for being my readers. Thank you for being my friends, family, and the few random folks that stumble across this blog and give it a read before moving on. Have a great week!