I was a child raised with the twelve steps. Both my parents are in recovery, and so I may not have a complete understanding of the twelve steps but I do have some of the language embedded in my brain. So much of the twelve steps is wrapped up in a higher power, and I've really been pondering my higher power. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a skeptic. I'm an evolutionist, so the concepts of God being behind the creation of Earth and that everything is part of his plan are sometimes difficult for me to rationalize. But no matter what, I've never not believed in God. I've questioned, but I've never been deterred from the belief that is something out there, and I've also liked to believe that the God I believe in is way cooler than the God touted my any religion.
So I guess I need to either create my own religion, like a skeptic's Catholicism, with equal shout outs to all the unique creators in every religion. That way we give Jesus some equal play along with other prophets and deities, give it all some balance and a much more general purpose. This religions one commandment would be that of our two greatest prophets: Bill S Preston, Esq., and Ted "Theodore" Logan. "Be Excellent to One Another".
The brilliance lies in it's simplicity. But until I decide to get off my ass and start this religion, which would welcome everyone, I guess I should try out some of the established churches and decide if any of them actually suit me and my high falutin' expectations.
This reflection on the state of my spirituality has been the result of "the termination". It's been hard at times to understand how something so avoidable may have actually been exactly what needed to happen for me to open my eyes to what was going on in my life. The past 8 weeks have allowed for me to spend a lot of time with my children. Now, if you are one of the people that I interact with in the real world, you may have heard complaints about this. It's the nature of the proverbial beast to want what we don't have (a job) and take for granted what we do have (time with our children) until it is too late. I've been trying to make this time off a lot more about them. What do they need from me right now?
Elora has definitely entered the three year old stage that allows for wanton abuse of the meager amount of power she is given. But she is also polite, spunky, musical, and at times she is a little caregiver, hovering over her brother protectively and making sure I'm aware anytime he is amiss. With Elora I need to step back from my initial reactions to control and to govern with a despotic hold. My daily affirmation for helping my daughter grow into an empowered and thoughtful little girl is "Think before reacting, and remain rational".
Colter is sitting himself up now, sitting alongside his sister and playing, banging things together and talking all the while. He is very sweet, but is turning into quite a little bruiser and getting long and heavy. He is learning so much from his sister every day, and has now started cooing high pitched frequencies in varying tones, as though he's singing. My daily affirmation for continuing to soak in and enjoy this period before he becomes a little boy is "Slow down and snuggle".
I've had a 2nd interview with a potential employer, which I thought went really well. I'd love the job, getting back into a call center setting and starting at a grass roots level, learning a new industry. It also offers weekends off, and that is such an appealing idea in and of itself. We have a lot of camping to catch up on for the last few years, and I can't wait to begin pulling in an income again.
So, this post has been 9 days in the making, and I have thoughts on another subject I'd like to start a draft on, so there will be more to come. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Trying some new things
I'm trying to find a new job, and maybe making money off this blog would be one way to do it!
The communist reflects!
More news as it happens.....
The communist reflects!
More news as it happens.....
Monday, April 19, 2010
In response...
Just a little follow up to my post yesterday... I don't apologize for it. I was angry, and using this blog as my outlet for ANYTHING I feel is completely within my rights as a citizen of the United States. Whether or not my feelings are considered "factual" isn't for me to decide, my feelings and opinions are strictly that--- MY feelings, and MY opinions.
Was calling out a former coworker or my employer appropriate.... I'm not really in the business of justifying whether or not my behavior is appropriate. Obviously I was fired, and I never once said that I didn't do anything wrong, and that I wasn't justifiably terminated.
Life isn't "fair". I hate any mention of the word "fair" in a work environment because I don't know who ever tells people that things will be "fair" in life. But one thing I learned over the last 4 years was that if you are going to take action about something, your better make sure that you aren't opening yourself up for someone to come back and say that what was done wasn't right.
Respect is a tricky thing. You have to earn it, it can be lost quickly, and it sure as heck doesn't pay the bills. I may have lost respect in posting anything like the previous post, but I also stood up for what I believe in. I respect myself more for having the courage to not just meekly accept that life isn't fair and that is that.
Do I want Betty fired? I don't want anyone fired. Do I want my job back? No, because now that my eyes are open to how things really are, I would have a difficult time trying to carry out the party line. But if my voice is being heard via my blog, I just want to say that I'm not scared of people being mad at me. I'm not worried about other people's opinions about what I wrote. If anyone read this and knows that they didn't do ANYTHING after I got fired, I can only say that I think it was your conscience that kept you quiet, not the concern that I was embarrassed or angry.
I took a stand, even if it was only on my little blog. And I yelled "TAWANDA" at the screen while I did it.
Was calling out a former coworker or my employer appropriate.... I'm not really in the business of justifying whether or not my behavior is appropriate. Obviously I was fired, and I never once said that I didn't do anything wrong, and that I wasn't justifiably terminated.
Life isn't "fair". I hate any mention of the word "fair" in a work environment because I don't know who ever tells people that things will be "fair" in life. But one thing I learned over the last 4 years was that if you are going to take action about something, your better make sure that you aren't opening yourself up for someone to come back and say that what was done wasn't right.
Respect is a tricky thing. You have to earn it, it can be lost quickly, and it sure as heck doesn't pay the bills. I may have lost respect in posting anything like the previous post, but I also stood up for what I believe in. I respect myself more for having the courage to not just meekly accept that life isn't fair and that is that.
Do I want Betty fired? I don't want anyone fired. Do I want my job back? No, because now that my eyes are open to how things really are, I would have a difficult time trying to carry out the party line. But if my voice is being heard via my blog, I just want to say that I'm not scared of people being mad at me. I'm not worried about other people's opinions about what I wrote. If anyone read this and knows that they didn't do ANYTHING after I got fired, I can only say that I think it was your conscience that kept you quiet, not the concern that I was embarrassed or angry.
I took a stand, even if it was only on my little blog. And I yelled "TAWANDA" at the screen while I did it.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Hotter than a mo-fo
I am currently sitting at my sister's computer in ND, sweating my balls off because I can't find a thermostat in the place that actually makes the temperature go down. I swear to god it's at least 80 degrees and I can't open the window to the bedroom I'm in. Trying to rouse my sister was useless, so here I am. So instead of sleeping at 4 am before driving the 8 hours home I guess I'll write a blog.
The blog title could apply to many things. The temperature I am currently at, my anger at my previous employer, my desire to see someone else be held to the same standard of accountability that I was held to when I was fired.
My previous employer failed to pay me correctly on my final paycheck. I didn't receive anything for the PTO hours I was owed, so I had to contact them and get the money back a different way. That was two weeks ago. This last Friday I had a direct deposit from the previous employer, one that was not supposed to make it to me.
If you receive money that you know isn't yours, that you know you can't keep, but it was given to you in error, it fucking SUCKS to give it back to the people that made the mistake in the first place. The level of suckage warrants the use of the F bomb. It was over $1,200 that I had to notify the HR department had been deposited.
Could I have just withdrew all the money and closed the account? Sure, but that's not something I could do. I'm not really built to try to pull something like that off, it isn't in my inherent nature to try to swindle anyone. But does doing the right thing always feel right? No, quite frankly, it doesn't. It feels like I'm the sucker for doing the honest and decent thing.
The person that screwed up the final paycheck, as well as causing me to receive the last deposit, is a very nice lady. I think she's learning her job right now, having only started recently, but she has now twice caused me a lot of grief and anger because of her mistakes. I guess what really gets my goat is the double standard that this employer has shown at addressing certain things. She made a mistake two weeks ago, and another mistake, and although it isn't my place to find out if she received any type of warning, payroll mistakes are just deemed "par for the course", where the mistake that I made that led to my termination was apparently a horse of a different color all together.
The other thing that really gets my goat about the entire thing was that I was told by the HR coordinator and the big head honcho that heard my appeal that I would be contacted early this week regarding the decision in my appeal. When I emailed HR on Friday I told the coordinator that I had still not heard anything back. When I was in that office they had both said someone would call me. She wrote me back and told me I'd be receiving a letter. So I assume I already know what the letter will say, but i wasn't even given the courtesy of a phone call. I had to REMIND THEM that they hadn't even contacted me almost two weeks after I went in.
I'd like now to also illustrate how accountability isn't as important at this previous employer as covering your ass: there was another supervisor at this previous employer, who I will not name but will use the pseudonym "Betty", who went on a final written warning last year as well. It was related to things she wasn't doing, such as administering the attendance policy, meeting with her agents, scoring calls (basically, she wasn't doing her job). This supervisor's customer care team was disseminated amongst the other supervisors so that she could start work on a "super secret project", and one of her agents came to my team with 4 occurrences and no warning. Now, when you are going to give an agent to another supervisor the least you could do is ensure that any warning the person should be on is administered so the next supervisor isn't stuck doing that work. GUESS WHAT WASN'T DONE WHEN THAT AGENT CAME TO MY TEAM?! So I got that warning administered and really didn't think much of it, because at the time it seemed small and I was going to just have to do it anyways.
This supervisor, Betty, has been reported to her manager several times for various issues. Attendance is far and away the biggest ball drop, but then there are also issues like: long lunches, leaving her department understaffed by approving same day PTO and then not helping with coverage, long personal conversations with her family while at work, etc. Her manager "investigates", but so far there really hasn't been any action in addressing those issues.
Betty was on the same warning I was, and was continuing to exhibit the same, if not worse, behavior and hasn't been fired for it. Why, one might ask? I don't honestly know. But it is a huge morale buster to have my fellow supervisors see me be fired for an honest mistake, but see someone put so little effort into their job and not only keep their job, but be rewarded for incompetence by being assigned a new project that meant that she didn't have to do what everyone else was doing. So, that is my beef with that situation. I'm still feeling very lucky and fortunate that I get to start something new and I'm going to work on getting this bitter taste out of my mouth. It's just very difficult to watch this ridiculousness from a distance and not feel bitter, but such is life.
On the job front, I have had a couple interviews, and I'd really like to be employed at either place. I haven't received even a drop of unemployment yet, as my claim is still pending and apparently will be for some time given the current unemployment level in Montana right now. Man, it would be just great to be able to take some of the social security money that I have not choice but to pay each pay check and use that to live on until I get a job or get unemployment, but that is just crazy talk!
On a lighter and much happier note, April 14th marked the birthday of two very special ladies in my life. Amareese Joy and Avery Lark Violett made into this world late that night, and are just gorgeous little ladies. Link over to Adrienne's blog on the side bar (Violettville) for news and updates on these miracle babies.
I'm sweating like I'm actually working out right now, and it is going to be a super effing long day driving with kids and my family back to Montana. I can't get a window open in this place, either, or I'd open the window in my niece's room so that I could lay down and get some rest. It's been nice to have my family together, but I'm pretty irritated and hostile at the moment so I call shenanigans on the entire weekend. I'm just glad that my kids can sleep in this sweltering heat so I don't have a cranky munchkin to be wrangling when I'm already so irritated.
I'm off to use this time to search for some job opportunities online. Might as well be productive with this bitterness and use it as fuel to find something I can figuratively rub in their faces.
The blog title could apply to many things. The temperature I am currently at, my anger at my previous employer, my desire to see someone else be held to the same standard of accountability that I was held to when I was fired.
My previous employer failed to pay me correctly on my final paycheck. I didn't receive anything for the PTO hours I was owed, so I had to contact them and get the money back a different way. That was two weeks ago. This last Friday I had a direct deposit from the previous employer, one that was not supposed to make it to me.
If you receive money that you know isn't yours, that you know you can't keep, but it was given to you in error, it fucking SUCKS to give it back to the people that made the mistake in the first place. The level of suckage warrants the use of the F bomb. It was over $1,200 that I had to notify the HR department had been deposited.
Could I have just withdrew all the money and closed the account? Sure, but that's not something I could do. I'm not really built to try to pull something like that off, it isn't in my inherent nature to try to swindle anyone. But does doing the right thing always feel right? No, quite frankly, it doesn't. It feels like I'm the sucker for doing the honest and decent thing.
The person that screwed up the final paycheck, as well as causing me to receive the last deposit, is a very nice lady. I think she's learning her job right now, having only started recently, but she has now twice caused me a lot of grief and anger because of her mistakes. I guess what really gets my goat is the double standard that this employer has shown at addressing certain things. She made a mistake two weeks ago, and another mistake, and although it isn't my place to find out if she received any type of warning, payroll mistakes are just deemed "par for the course", where the mistake that I made that led to my termination was apparently a horse of a different color all together.
The other thing that really gets my goat about the entire thing was that I was told by the HR coordinator and the big head honcho that heard my appeal that I would be contacted early this week regarding the decision in my appeal. When I emailed HR on Friday I told the coordinator that I had still not heard anything back. When I was in that office they had both said someone would call me. She wrote me back and told me I'd be receiving a letter. So I assume I already know what the letter will say, but i wasn't even given the courtesy of a phone call. I had to REMIND THEM that they hadn't even contacted me almost two weeks after I went in.
I'd like now to also illustrate how accountability isn't as important at this previous employer as covering your ass: there was another supervisor at this previous employer, who I will not name but will use the pseudonym "Betty", who went on a final written warning last year as well. It was related to things she wasn't doing, such as administering the attendance policy, meeting with her agents, scoring calls (basically, she wasn't doing her job). This supervisor's customer care team was disseminated amongst the other supervisors so that she could start work on a "super secret project", and one of her agents came to my team with 4 occurrences and no warning. Now, when you are going to give an agent to another supervisor the least you could do is ensure that any warning the person should be on is administered so the next supervisor isn't stuck doing that work. GUESS WHAT WASN'T DONE WHEN THAT AGENT CAME TO MY TEAM?! So I got that warning administered and really didn't think much of it, because at the time it seemed small and I was going to just have to do it anyways.
This supervisor, Betty, has been reported to her manager several times for various issues. Attendance is far and away the biggest ball drop, but then there are also issues like: long lunches, leaving her department understaffed by approving same day PTO and then not helping with coverage, long personal conversations with her family while at work, etc. Her manager "investigates", but so far there really hasn't been any action in addressing those issues.
Betty was on the same warning I was, and was continuing to exhibit the same, if not worse, behavior and hasn't been fired for it. Why, one might ask? I don't honestly know. But it is a huge morale buster to have my fellow supervisors see me be fired for an honest mistake, but see someone put so little effort into their job and not only keep their job, but be rewarded for incompetence by being assigned a new project that meant that she didn't have to do what everyone else was doing. So, that is my beef with that situation. I'm still feeling very lucky and fortunate that I get to start something new and I'm going to work on getting this bitter taste out of my mouth. It's just very difficult to watch this ridiculousness from a distance and not feel bitter, but such is life.
On the job front, I have had a couple interviews, and I'd really like to be employed at either place. I haven't received even a drop of unemployment yet, as my claim is still pending and apparently will be for some time given the current unemployment level in Montana right now. Man, it would be just great to be able to take some of the social security money that I have not choice but to pay each pay check and use that to live on until I get a job or get unemployment, but that is just crazy talk!
On a lighter and much happier note, April 14th marked the birthday of two very special ladies in my life. Amareese Joy and Avery Lark Violett made into this world late that night, and are just gorgeous little ladies. Link over to Adrienne's blog on the side bar (Violettville) for news and updates on these miracle babies.
I'm sweating like I'm actually working out right now, and it is going to be a super effing long day driving with kids and my family back to Montana. I can't get a window open in this place, either, or I'd open the window in my niece's room so that I could lay down and get some rest. It's been nice to have my family together, but I'm pretty irritated and hostile at the moment so I call shenanigans on the entire weekend. I'm just glad that my kids can sleep in this sweltering heat so I don't have a cranky munchkin to be wrangling when I'm already so irritated.
I'm off to use this time to search for some job opportunities online. Might as well be productive with this bitterness and use it as fuel to find something I can figuratively rub in their faces.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thank goodness for health care reform
I'm not trying to be sarcastic, or at least not very sarcastic, but health care reform came at a time when I might have actually needed it.
I got fired, folks. Yup. Canned, given the ax, 86'd. I'm not angry with the company, the situation wasn't a good one for them, and in the end it was easier to just terminate me than wait for something else to happen.
I am appealing the termination, but only because I want my dying act there to be one of passion, because I LOVED MY JOB. End of story. I wanted nothing more than to stay there for as long as possible, but perhaps this was destiny's way of kicking me into non-submission. I would stay in a job if I loved it, and likely would never have to learn or grow beyond that industry. Now I'm being forced to, and maybe that will be better for me in the long run.
What do I plan to do with all this new free time, one might ask? I have busted my buns getting resumes out fast, and trying to organize a cluttered house, as well as a cluttered mind.
The kids will stay in day care for the next couple weeks, as they are paid for, and will drop down to just 2 days a week until I get something figured out. I guess it's not unreal to look into financial aid and see if going back to school, or getting certified in something like medical transcription, is an option in case getting a job takes longer than I think it will.
I appreciate anyone sending some positive, good luck feelings my way. I'm very positive right now, but there are moments of panic, and maybe a little relief all rolling through at different times.
On the bright side a friend of mine is having her twin girls within the next 24-72 hours, and I can't wait to meet them. This gives me the opportunity to spend a little more time slowing down and catching my breath.
I've been going to the gym, and this has also led to some really positive changes that I'm excited to continue. I am glad I spent some of my work bonus money on another set of sessions with my trainer, Kelly, because he has kept me focused on staying on track with my fitness regime. I'm feeling better, I am craving the gym over beer (crazy) and I'm loving it.
So positive things will come my way. I'm blessed to have good health, along with the health of my children, husband, family and friends, and I have so much to be thankful for.
Hopefully I'll start getting on here more, this might have to be my main source of income and I'm leaving my readers very bored. Sorry, guys, I'll try to do better.
I got fired, folks. Yup. Canned, given the ax, 86'd. I'm not angry with the company, the situation wasn't a good one for them, and in the end it was easier to just terminate me than wait for something else to happen.
I am appealing the termination, but only because I want my dying act there to be one of passion, because I LOVED MY JOB. End of story. I wanted nothing more than to stay there for as long as possible, but perhaps this was destiny's way of kicking me into non-submission. I would stay in a job if I loved it, and likely would never have to learn or grow beyond that industry. Now I'm being forced to, and maybe that will be better for me in the long run.
What do I plan to do with all this new free time, one might ask? I have busted my buns getting resumes out fast, and trying to organize a cluttered house, as well as a cluttered mind.
The kids will stay in day care for the next couple weeks, as they are paid for, and will drop down to just 2 days a week until I get something figured out. I guess it's not unreal to look into financial aid and see if going back to school, or getting certified in something like medical transcription, is an option in case getting a job takes longer than I think it will.
I appreciate anyone sending some positive, good luck feelings my way. I'm very positive right now, but there are moments of panic, and maybe a little relief all rolling through at different times.
On the bright side a friend of mine is having her twin girls within the next 24-72 hours, and I can't wait to meet them. This gives me the opportunity to spend a little more time slowing down and catching my breath.
I've been going to the gym, and this has also led to some really positive changes that I'm excited to continue. I am glad I spent some of my work bonus money on another set of sessions with my trainer, Kelly, because he has kept me focused on staying on track with my fitness regime. I'm feeling better, I am craving the gym over beer (crazy) and I'm loving it.
So positive things will come my way. I'm blessed to have good health, along with the health of my children, husband, family and friends, and I have so much to be thankful for.
Hopefully I'll start getting on here more, this might have to be my main source of income and I'm leaving my readers very bored. Sorry, guys, I'll try to do better.
Monday, January 4, 2010
In the wee small hours of the morning
It's super early this morning. I'm up working, and I'll be working from home all day. It's review season at work, and I need to have 4 completed by Monday. Guess who didn't even start one? That's right, that would be me!
So, Christmas... was fabulous. The only thing missing was family, as only my brother was in attendance. But it was very chill and casual, I made french toast in the morning and a ham for dinner. In the meantime my friend Darin came over and tried out one of my new Vinturi Wine Aerator. It's pretty kick ass, and I got a wine chiller as well.
Thad got a Beertender, and for someone that never really cared for Heineken out of the bottle the experience is completely different out of the tap. Notice how both of us got alcohol-related gifts?! That's because my in-laws are the best present givers EVER!
Elora got tons of crap, dress up clothes and a play sushi set, and a reading system. Colter got a few new outfits and some cute little toys that he spends his time holding to his face and attempting to devour. He is getting SO BIG! I have to find my camera so I can do a picture post, because the boy is just enormous.
NYE was very chillaxed as well. My mom spent all week with us last week because our day care was closed and neither Thad or I could take the whole week off. So NYE my mom and sister popped over to her friend's house, and Thad and I ordered some really good Thai food and sat on the couch all night. It was weird, the next morning I told Thad that it didn't feel like a new year without a hangover (LOLing all over myself at how funny I can be).
Here are some pictures from our holiday! Hope everyone's was as fab as ours!
Right before we opened everything
Pretty princess
All tuckered out
Having so much fun!
Her pile of loot
Ripping paper is fun
Tea party time (she makes coffee, not tea)
New fancy dress-up shoes!
Mama and Colter Man
So, Christmas... was fabulous. The only thing missing was family, as only my brother was in attendance. But it was very chill and casual, I made french toast in the morning and a ham for dinner. In the meantime my friend Darin came over and tried out one of my new Vinturi Wine Aerator. It's pretty kick ass, and I got a wine chiller as well.
Thad got a Beertender, and for someone that never really cared for Heineken out of the bottle the experience is completely different out of the tap. Notice how both of us got alcohol-related gifts?! That's because my in-laws are the best present givers EVER!
Elora got tons of crap, dress up clothes and a play sushi set, and a reading system. Colter got a few new outfits and some cute little toys that he spends his time holding to his face and attempting to devour. He is getting SO BIG! I have to find my camera so I can do a picture post, because the boy is just enormous.
NYE was very chillaxed as well. My mom spent all week with us last week because our day care was closed and neither Thad or I could take the whole week off. So NYE my mom and sister popped over to her friend's house, and Thad and I ordered some really good Thai food and sat on the couch all night. It was weird, the next morning I told Thad that it didn't feel like a new year without a hangover (LOLing all over myself at how funny I can be).
Here are some pictures from our holiday! Hope everyone's was as fab as ours!
Right before we opened everything
Pretty princess
All tuckered out
Having so much fun!
Her pile of loot
Ripping paper is fun
Tea party time (she makes coffee, not tea)
New fancy dress-up shoes!
Mama and Colter Man
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