I'm a junkie

I've been watching QVC today, and I may buy myself a pretty new ring. I love getting sucked into tv that is trying to sell me something. I mean I love and I hate it, because I talk myself out of buying stuff all the time.

So, I've left this blog woefully unattended for several days.... ahem.... weeks. Not much going on. I applied for another supervisor position at work, and interviewed for it yesterday. I think I interviewed pretty good, but I guess we'll see how well.

My brother is fighting at Thursday Night at the Fights tomorrow night. I guess they do UFC style fighting, and that's what he is going to do. I'll be honest, I am going, but I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of watching my brother get his ass handed to him. Not that I think that's a given, but it still scares me to think about it.

Well, my monkey just fell asleep, so I'm going to do a little light housework while I'm unaccompanied by a minor (haha). I'm making Halloween cookies at my sisters later! Hooray!

Oh, and still no schedule date for a biopsy. Kind of just waiting to hear back at this point.

Hey Jealousy

Why must you rear your ugly head my way? I guess it's human nature to crave to say, do, think, and experience things that others do, and that leads to feelings of loneliness and sadness when you know that you won't.

I'm slightly melancholy, I'm a little plugged up (plugged up like a pregnant woman's cervix is actually the analogy I used earlier with Thad) and work was kind of crap tonight. A long day, coupled with not feeling good, does not a happy duckling make.

One bright side is I've made a wonderful new friend. Her name is Suzanne, and I've never actually met her. I spoke with her over the phone the other night at work, and she ended up being a loooong conversation that led to an email address exchange. She is so kind, and I'm happy to have met her.

There is a supervisor position at work opening up, and I need to get my application in. I feel I have a good chance, but I think that Thad and I will need to have a sit down to figure out if we really want to continue to put the strain of a crap schedule on our relationship. In some ways the pay and the responsibility I'd have are sooooo appealing, but also kind of scary and intimidating as well.

Sometimes things happen when I doubt my abilities. Whether it's my abilities as a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, or an employee, I get that feeling where I wonder if anything I do will be enough. The rat race of life seems to carry me away and I can't remember the last time I did something purely because I desperately wanted to (aside from buying my Coach purse, of course). I do things because I need to, or I have to. When Lord, when, when's gonna be my time?!?!

Eh, just the ramblings of a slightly sad, overly neurotic sick person that just took some decongestant and is aching to feel the sweet release of snot in her ears and nose.

What would I do if I could just do anything I wanted? If I'm really honest would I spend a day doing all the things I know are bad for me but that I've been thinking about (despite how bad they are) since I stopped doing them? Would I read a book and eat sunflower seeds all day? Drink beer and smoke cigarettes? I guess in some ways I do what I really want because I do want to spend so much time with Elora, because she is so much fun to play around with. But perhaps it's the strain of working 9 straight days with no real breaks that is causing me to ponder the decisions I make, both for myself and for my family.

I also feel like I look like crap today, which doesn't help my mood. I have a couple neck zits that resemble a couple of Buicks that have parked on my face. But in light of how crap I feel I'm going to post a picture where I don't look like crap to improve my mood.



Haha, there you go. A slightly fuzzy picture of a girl with a large fatneck and a camera phone. Enjoy.

uhhh

I'm having a hard time thinking of something to write about this morning. I blame it on the early hour, and lack of sustenance. Ugh, and I'm watching "Running with Scissors" and Alec Baldwin just made a drink and lit up a cigarette, and I tried to make myself feel jealous about not drinking as much or smoking anymore. But it came as a shock that I actually don't miss it that much.

This movie is a little funny already. I'll only get to watch a little before I get ready to go to work. So I'm going to pay attention now. Hope everyone has a good day!!!!

Prettiest monkey in the whole wide world

I dare you to find one prettier....



I took her nana away....

5 day weekend, and the makings of a nasty sore throat

I hate when you start getting sick. You know, when your throat starts hurting, and you get achy and maybe a little stuffy/runny, and you feel like your whole body needs to sleep. That's how I felt aaaaall day long. But I toughed it out and made it through working my 10.75 hour long shift tonight, because it's the beginning of my first 5 day weekend.

The 5 day weekend comes about because Thad needs to go back on call for work every 6 weeks, so for the week while he's on call I'll switch shifts with my coworker, Jerry, and work 9-6 so I can take Elora to daycare, pick her up, and be home if Thad should get called into work.

I'll be super pissed if this weekend I'm sick and get better just in time to work 9 days in a row. I'll be really really cranky if that's the case.

In other news, no word back from the National Jewish Medical and Research Center about my blood tests. The doctor had mentioned that they only do some of the blood stuff once a week, so I'm being patient and not calling everyday for an update. I've also decided to do my biopsy in December, if possible, so I'm sure to have Christmas off with my munchkin while I recuperate.

I can't believe it's almost Elora's first everything: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It dawned on me today that we're going to have to buy her Christmas presents, and she'll probably be able to unwrap them herself. A strange realization to come to.

I'm so excited for my morning. I'm meeting my friends Jeni and Marie (sisters) for a mimosa brunch, as long as I don't feel worse in the morning. Jeni's pregnant, and I'd hate to get her or Marie's kids sick, so I need to take a quick shower and head to bed and see how I feel. I'll slit my wrists before I miss a mimosa brunch (just kidding...... well, sorta).

Well, a hot shower and cool sheets beckon me, so I must depart. Peace out, playas.

OMG

I got a purse. Not just any purse, mind you, a COACH purse. It's gorgeous!

No answers, just more questions

Well, this trip has not been as "fruitful" as I would have hoped. We didn't get a diagnosis, which I don't know is a bad thing, because the doctor seems to think that this may not be LAM as we previously supposed. The things he thinks it resembles are either:
a) L.I.P. - Lymphoid Interstitial Pneumonia, which would be brought on by an autoimmune disease called Sjögren syndrome, or possibly Epstein-Barr syndrome, which has actually been linked to Hodgkin's disease, which is the type of cancer I had.

b) D.I.P. - Distal Interphalangeal, which is actually more smoking related, according to Dr. Swigris.

He didn't say it isn't LAM, but he wants a surgical biopsy so we will know absolutely, positively, 100% for sure.

So this trip to Denver hasn't been all business. We have been staying with a couple of fantastic friends who have driven us around and let us decide where to take all of our meals. Cody and Lori have a gorgeous house, and big hearts to take us in and make us feel so welcome. Although they would have liked us to bring the baby they completely understood our need to make this trip on our own, and we feel like we could come back next week and we'd still be welcomed with open arms (and open garage, and open back porch).

So we went to Ruby Tuesday's last night, and it was great. Although my whole reason for wanting to go there was the Jumbo Crab Cake, and I forgot to order it my haste to order this:

THE BEST MOJITO EVER (That's a sugar cane stick inside!)

Tonight we met an old, old friend, Dave (Roy) at ESPNZone, and then walked to an Indian restaurant that was probably the best food I've eaten in a while. I had the chicken tikka, which was a Vindaloo dish (cooked in a clay oven). We all visited over Sam Adams and Indian beer, ate naan bread and the Indian version of chips and salsa (crisp tortilla-like bread with a mint/cilantro chutney and tamarind dip....mmmmmmm). It was such a nice night, followed by a long walk around LoDo.

Tomorrow we head home (we may not even stop at the Coors brewery, I'm so eager to get home to my baby). We are stopping in Casper to have some lunch with my grandpa, then it's back to Billings as fast as we (legally) can.

Here's a little picture of Dave and I. It's been about 5-6 years since I saw him last, but he's the type of friend that stays in touch and makes that extra effort to see someone no matter how long it's been.



Well, folks, it's bedtime after a long day of tests and waiting. I miss my baby terribly, and I can't wait to get home to see her again.